Research has proven beyond doubt that social media can be a burden on your mental health. Does that mean you should stop using it? Not necessarily–there are benefits to social media as well. It gives minority groups a place to build community, facilitates creativity, and provides access to learning. As for negative effects, there are steps you can take to defend yourself.

How is social media harmful?

Disrupts sleep

Social media keeps us up at night. According to the National Center for Health Research, lack of sleep can lead to depression and anxiety. Not only that, but the blue screen light messes with the quality of our sleep. ¹

The big social media companies design their apps and websites to keep our eyes glued to the screen. The more posts or videos you look at, the more ads they can show, and the more money they will make. Before you know it, it’s 2 o’clock in the morning and you have to be awake in 4 hours for work or school.

You follow this pattern for long enough, and you run the risk of developing depression or chronic anxiety.

Fuels social comparison and insecurity

It’s human nature to compare ourselves with others. We do it without thinking. Sometimes we feel inferior in comparison. If we repeatedly judge ourselves to be inferior to others, we may begin to feel worthless. This can easily snowball into depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

The problem with social media is that it gives us endless opportunities to make those comparisons. On top of that, we only see the edited highlights of people’s lives on social media. It shouldn’t make sense to compare our worst to someone else’s best. Yet, that is what we do.

Exposes you to cyberbullying

Almost half of all internet users admit that they have been cyber bullied.² Even if you haven’t experienced it yourself, you have undoubtedly seen it in comments sections. Many studies have been done. They all show: Whether you are a victim or a perpetrator–your health is under threat.

“Adolescents who are targeted via cyberbullying report increased depressive affect, anxiety, loneliness, and suicidal behavior. Perpetrators of cyberbullying are more likely to report increased substance use, aggression, and delinquent behaviors.” ³

Cyberbullying is an epidemic right now, which is why it’s so important to know how to protect yourself.

How to protect your mental health

1. Be mindful and seek positivity

Watch for feelings of insecurity, anger, loneliness, and hopelessness. Take note of the channel or account you were on when you began feeling that way. Consider unfollowing or unfriending them. Follow accounts that lift you up instead of ones that bring you down. Below are some examples.

TikTok

@sookieandivy: Features dogs in silly hats

@acupofselflove: Shares daily quotes and inspiration

@yourkoreandad: Shares Korean food and culture

YouTube

@Nerdforge: Features geeky and nerdy DIY projects.

@TED: Covers a vast range of topics from science to art to personal development.

@GoodMythicalMorning: Quirky challenges, fun games, food tastings, and ridiculous experiments

2. Set limits on your social media use

A recent study reported that the group who limited their daily social media use reported “significantly lower anxiety, depression, loneliness, and fear of missing out at the end of the experiment compared with the unlimited group.”⁴

Here are some methods for limiting your usage:

Give yourself a set amount of time each day. One way to do this is by going to the “Screen Time” or “Digital Wellbeing” setting on your phone. You can schedule downtime or create app limits.
Ground your phone from your bedroom.
Create a routine. For example: I will look through the stories of those I follow, watch some silly cat reels, and then log off.

3. Connect with others in person as well as online

Social media was vital during the pandemic for reasons none of us want to remember. Friends and family were able to stay connected. Even so, there was unprecedented loneliness because people couldn’t meet in person.

Spend time with your friends in person as well as through social media. This will deepen your relationships and fulfill your psychological need for connection.

4. Try counseling

All of these suggestions are no substitute for a good counselor. They will help you discover the best way that you, personally, can protect your mental health.

Social Media: A double-edged sword

There are benefits and detriments that come from social media. It allows us to connect and share information with people all around the world. However, it can take a toll on your mental health by disrupting your sleep, fueling insecurity, and exposing you to cyberbullying. Utilize mindfulness, boundaries, in-person connection, and counseling to combat the negative aspects of social media.

https://www.center4research.org/social-media-affects-mental-health/ ↩︎
https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/social-medias-impact-our-mental-health-and-tips-to-use-it-safely/2024/05 ↩︎
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4126576/#:~:text=Taken%20together%2C%20results%20from%20a,stomachaches)%2C%20as%20well%20as%20a ↩︎
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/11/benefits-limiting-social-media ↩︎

Is it possible to survive holiday gatherings without intense arguments that leave close friends and family members feeling hurt and angry?

Yes, it is possible if you:

Set boundaries ahead of time
Make curiosity your focus.
Seek out common ground
Show that you’re listening.
Be honest but not accusatory.
Remain calm.

Politics and close relationships in 2024

During the holidays, we spend time with family and friends–those we love. Disagreements in close relationships are overcomable–even healthy–because they lead to communication, resolution, and trust. That’s not how it works anymore in 2024’s stormy social environment.

Research has shown that in countries with severe political polarization, political disagreement can suppress family gatherings, make conflict resolution unlikely, and even lead to estrangement (Kobayashi & Tse).

A new poll by the American Psychological Association found that the relationships of 1 in 3 Americans have been damaged by political opinions. 30% actively avoid family gatherings with those who don’t share their political beliefs.

Why do political beliefs cause fights?

Why do we react so emotionally when people don’t support our beliefs? It has to do with our body’s natural threat response.

Way back in humanity’s caveman days, our threat response was what kept us alive–often called the fight, flight, or freeze response. The only problem is, our bodies are terrible at distinguishing between a physical threat and an emotional threat (Dahl).

Let’s say your weird uncle (you know the one) makes an offhand comment about a political figure that completely goes against what you believe to be true. When we think our core beliefs are being threatened, our bodies go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. We do one of three things: Fight back, play dead by going silent, or run away by leaving the room or changing topic (Dahl).

Your biology turned your uncle into an enemy to be protected against. The question is, how can you fight biology? What steps can you take to make sure that this year’s holiday family gatherings don’t lead to the conflict and estrangement.

Avoiding political discussions

It may seem easier to avoid touchy topics completely. Sometimes it can be necessary if you want to make sure the holiday is fun for everyone. It’s not as simple as it seems, though. Research tells us that refusing to participate in these discussions leads to distance and dissatisfaction in the relationship (Palomares and Derman).

If you choose to avoid, set boundaries ahead of time

Although it can be uncomfortable in the moment, it is important to let people know beforehand that you would like to stay away from political discussions during holiday events. Simply side-stepping or walking away from a conversation without warning will damage your relationship by creating hurt and emotional distance (Cantor).

4 Tips for facing political disagreements in a healthy way

Focus on curiosity

Before entering into a political discussion, ask yourself, “What is my goal here?” Trying to convince someone to see things your way creates a divide where they feel the need to defend against you. People say things they don’t really believe when they are put on the defensive.

Instead, go in with a focus on curiosity. Ask questions. What is their opinion? Why do they feel that way? Showing interest in their thoughts has several benefits:

They will feel cared for, which will strengthen your relationship.
You will hear what they truly think instead of their emotional reaction to feeling attacked.
As they are explaining their opinion to you, they are subconsciously re-thinking it. Ironically, not trying to change their mind has the highest odds of actually changing it.

Seek out common ground

Try to understand where the other person is coming from. There’s always common ground somewhere, even if you can only find it in the shared desire to make the world a better place. Discovering those shared beliefs will bring you closer together.

Show that you’re listening

Using active listening strategies will help them to know you care about what they have to say, even if you don’t agree. Lean forward, nod your head, maintain eye contact, don’t interrupt, paraphrase what they said, and ask questions. Studies have proven the effectiveness of active listening in making people feel understood (Weger).

Be honest but not accusatory

Be honest about your beliefs, but avoid ”the fact is” or “right and wrong” statements. Stick with “I think,” “I feel,” or “my opinion is.” When you get frustrated, instead of saying, “You’re making me angry,” or “You never listen to my opinions,” say, “When I hear you say that, I feel frustrated.” This method helps you to stay true to yourself, while keeping the relationship (Harris).

Remain calm

You may discover that your family member or friend’s beliefs are harmful. Mindfulness techniques can be a good way to avoid snapping and turning the event into a fight. Below are two you can try.

Just Breathe

When you feel that adrenaline beginning to buzz through your system and your emotions starting to rise, pause. Take some slow, deep breaths counting to 4 as you breathe in, holding for 7 and breathing out for 8. Research shows that this type of breathing triggers your body’s relaxation response, which keeps stress in check.

Do an inward scan

Check in with yourself. Are you tense anywhere? Is your heartbeat rapid? Name the emotions you are feeling. Observe all these things without labeling them as good or bad. Just noticing will help to calm and center you.

You’ve got this!

The 2024 holidays promise to be especially difficult due to the divisiveness of the recent election. Some of our loved ones can be somewhat… *ahem* loud about their opinions. However, don’t forget that the holidays are intended to be a time of love, joy, service, and togetherness. Embrace it!

By Krista Smith

References

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Apa Poll: Future of nation, economy and presidential election top U.S. stressors. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2024/10/top-us-stressors

Cantor, C. (2021, September 12). Start setting boundaries with confidence. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-sex/202109/start-setting-boundaries-with-confidence

Dahl, C. (2021, November 11). 4 tips for managing family conflict this Thanksgiving. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthy-minds/202111/4-tips-for-managing-family-conflict-this-thanksgiving

de Richelieu, A. (n.d.). Men with Wine Glasses Talking. photograph. Retrieved November 18, 2024, from https://www.pexels.com/photo/men-with-wine-glasses-talking-4262177/.

Harris, M. (2023, July 5). How to survive political conversations over the Holidays. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/letters-from-your-therapist/202111/how-to-survive-political-conversations-over-the-holidays

Kobayashi, T., & Tse, C. H. (2021). How political disagreements undermine intrafamily communication: the case of the anti-extradition bill movement in Hong Kong. Chinese Journal of Communication, 15(3), 378–400. https://doi.org/10.1080/17544750.2021.1987283

Michalou, N. (2020). Family Celebrating Christmas Dinner While Taking Selfie. Pexels. photograph. Retrieved November 13, 2024, from https://www.pexels.com/photo/family-celebrating-christmas-dinner-while-taking-selfie-5778899/.

Palomares, N. A., & Derman, D. (2019). Topic Avoidance, Goal Understanding, and Relational Perceptions: Experimental Evidence. Communication Research, 46(6), 735-756. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650216644649Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13–31. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234

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How to manage political disagreements during the 2024 holidays